That dog grooming job went horribly wrong. When she said she wanted a cut, wash, blow, tuck she said it so fast I thought she said "pink mohawk". I thought that little pomeranian looked cool!

motel housekeeping...except that one day the guest left a gryp
of tweed on the nightstand.


...good times

Alright who else had a job painting houses while in college?!! Ever tried painting a house with a hangover?!!! Gotta pay for them ramen noodles somehow!

10 hrs a day with a pick axe in a freezer choppin frozen chocolate and caramel

Toilet paper tester? No that was a good job. I liked that job.

hog farmer anytime day or night they would call

sanded down all the scratches out of used telephones

Now there's the silver lining in my knob job.

wow...that's pretty lame.




i probably woulda loved it tho'. (ocd)

Embalmer at the morgue? No that job was fun. Shove the tubes in the feet. Out with the blood. In with the embalming fluid. We used to keep beer in the coolers. Great job. Except for the smell and that one time that dead guy hadn't reached rigor mortis or liver mortis yet and he had a muscle spasm and sat right up on the table. We f*cking screamed!!! We all had to change our underwear!! Dead people are not supposed to do that y know. We went to that dudes funeral. Come to find out that in life the guy liked to play practical jokes. Seems he liked to when he was dead too!!!

walking and delivering papers when i hurt my knee


now that was lame

I liked being the mayor too. That was fun. My freinds got me elected as a joke. It was cool. Ribbon cutting ceremonies. Ground breaking ceremonies. Listening to people argue at council meetings and argue at budget meetings. It was better than watching 'springer' on tv because it was for real and I got to wear a tie! Then came that little incident where I got caught with the hookers n blow in the local motel room. You guys know me. I don't do drugs. Those prostitutes brought that coke. Wasn't mine. The city didn't buy it when I told them the whores were my interns. Oh well. I tried.

Monkey groomer. That was after the failed dog groomer job. Yeah monkey grooming started out rough until we worked out a mutual respect. They threw poo at me and screeched. I threw poo back at them and screeched back. Pretty quick we were all freinds and I was getting that dynamite roddy mcdowell planet of the apes look down pat. I was doing hair extensions and giving manicures and pedicures. Yeah I got monkey/chimp cosmetology down cold!

Then there was that summer I got into wholesale/ retail. I sold little pieces of soap and peanuts to crack addicts. Their minds and tastebuds were already fried. Even sold em some fruit loops cereal. High profits, low overhead.

Maytag repairman was pretty lame. Actually it was quite boring.

Yup

yup

yup

Sold small kitchen appliances door to door

i worked at arby's for 2 hours. quit on the spot.