There was never any good times. Even on my birthday when i turned nine. I remember not being able to sleep on my back. I got at least 40 wacks. Why didnt he love me. I was his son, we never had fun. I thought he love me when he took me fishing, but he called me a A$$hole, for dropping my pole.There was no boogie man in the dark, just him and his mighty belt. He didnt care where he hit me, my a$$,back,face,and sometimes my private place. He never said im sorry, or even explain why, he just kept hitting me, like he was insane. Many days, and nights, i think about those times. Sometimes my mind tells me not to bother, because, i still love him. My Father

My heart goes out to you

The child was innocent.

Sorry to hear you went through that.
Let the circle of abuse- brake with you.

Had to be hard for you to write. What happened to you wasn't your fault, and it tells what kind of man you are to still love him. Giving you ((((Hugs)))) and wishing you healing.

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to express your feelings with us here at JSH. Like they said previously, let the abuse end with you. It was not your fault and don't cary this with you for the rest of your life.

sorry to hear that if you need a friend im here if you need some one to talk to

Well, at least know you are not alone.
Mine would use his heavy coal mining belt on me.
Other times he would cut a branch off a cherry tree.
They both left welts.
When I was 7 or 8 they both left us - abandoned.
You know it's made you a tougher, and wiser person.

sorry to hear that

need some one to talk to

you have a very nice smile and i like it alot

Releasing ones past and pains is always great to see.
Abuse no-matter how BIG, or SMALL. Damages thier spirit.

Good write and IM SORRY for your pain, then...But proud of who you are NOW. To have written THIS..

Thank you. Thats just a small part of my life. Its only in my head now. Once i had my own kids, it had to be pushed aside. I would have been put in jail for many years if i did some of the things that happened to me. I read,and hear, more tragic things now a days.

And they said they did it to toughen you....................I beg to differ!!!!

I am the oldest of three siblings & I was the one whipped with a belt to...my mom would just go off on me & said she was setting an example to my sister & brother...I would get hit almost every day at a very tiny age & a lot of times didn't know why...like you said he was your father...& to like me she was my mother...why didn't she love me???
I remember her turning me upside down & hitting me until my nose bleed at church...why didn't anyone do anything to stop her?
She still to this day tells me I'm stupid & makes fun of me...she even wished with my first child that I would miss carry & she is supposed to be my mother who is supposed to love me!
With parents like ours who needs enemies?
I feel abandoned a lot but I am strong & still fun to be around & can make friends pretty easily & am proud of myself for going through so many hardships...yes I get down but it is me who brings me up again after all the hard knocks

Brian you're not alone... been there too and he is still the man I love above all others.