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awesome, thanks alot. sorry about all the misworded work, lol

everything is perfect there, but bring it down, with the top of the s in the center, than itll be just fine. thanks alot.

thats good

we even matched

whoops, forgot to put the second O. just move it to the second O and than move it up to the center of the O, like its a target or whatever, and make the font size larger like the size of the RC than that will be good. thanks

What's it say?



If you cant read it, pull your eyes as if you were chinese

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you
probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but.....
Something happened..

I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped
off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, .. but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $10,000 in
insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to
build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did -
better in fact!
But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It will cost $1,000 per inch.'

The man perks up at this.

'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want.
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for an eight-incher,
she might be a bit put out. But if you had a eight-incher before, and
you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be
disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you
make the decision.' The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor
comes back the next day.

'So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man..

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting a new kitchen.'

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.

Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

Yes, this has bad words in it. So, if you choose to read this then please be mature as it is just a joke...



Dear employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HE.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).

We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

The Management

Scottish Divorce

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'No Wayl they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,' She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Christmas and they're paying their own way.'