Ashamed

Most nights
I cry
alone
burdened
by the thoughts
your darkness
has placed me in
praying
somehow
you could
untouch me

So tired
of feeling
your unwelcomed hands
invade my soul's
privacy

So tired
of the burning anger
you created
within me

It is
as if
I cannot breathe
and I
cannot hide
it is
as if
I am no longer whole
and I
want to die
this is the pain
you've caused
and it rages
so deeply
like a secret
I'm too ashamed to tell
you
took from me
innocence


And now
tonight
like most
other nights
I cry
wishing you could
somehow
untouch me
so that I would know
what it feels like
to be me
once again

Once Again

I want to feel
the night
just one more time
when the air was so cool
that you searched for warmth
in my arms

I want to feel
that moment
just one more time
when you felt as if you were
home
in my arms

I hope
and pray
that maybe
there will another time
another moment
where the night
shines it light upon us
and once again
I'll be able to hold you
until the sun rises

Earth's Gentle Breath

leaf
by leaf
by leaf
floating quietly
to the rhythm of the earth's gentle breath
as if they were searching
for a place to rest their soul

leaf
by leaf
by leaf
of magnificent hues
color the world life
each different
and each
the same as the one that fell before it

autumn's cool mornings
will eventually
fall victim to a colder day
but for now
leaf
by leaf
by leaf
silently expresses how beautiful
the world can be

Thanks for kind words

Closer

I don't want to cry
but today
I'm closer
to the end of my life

I don't want to remember
but today
that's all I can do
as there are so few tomorrows for me

It hurts to watch you
watch me
as I search for the strength
to continue living
knowing
that today
I'm closer

One week
one month
one year
there was no way of knowing
so we've waited
together
knowing soon
we will be apart

Heart


Beautifully slow
like still waters
relaxing
to the river's shimmering flow

It's something about summer
warm with the
intentionally hot
moments of being with her

Wine
music
and a slight breeze
makes life the epitome of fine

Sipping
the day's elixir
as we melt into
shooting star wishing

Growing closer
and closer
until she invites me
into her . . . heart
get your mind out of the gutter

An Imperfect Cold


It feels
like an imperfect cold
falling from heaven
with the grace of a lover's pain
burdened by the emotions
of I'm so sorry
and can't we just try to be . . .
please, baby

It feels
like an imperfect cold
falling from a brooding sky of dark clouds
with each drop proposing
a compromise
to let time
figure out where we are
as we try to figure out where we're going

I'm guessing
I could play the blues
and let our story play out
while the rain runs its course
I guess
I could let go
and not worry
while hoping the sun
will one day be
bright enough to wipe her tears away
but it's just so cold
without her next to me

You and I


Night's expression
a little laughter
wine
finger food
friends
you
and I

Music
fills the background
as the sun sets
to the rhythm
of the first moment
of many more to come tonight
as we feel our way
through the maze of life
love
and happiness

Night's expression
stars
rise one after another
conversation
dancing
more wine
fewer friends
until it's just
you
and I

The Endless Love

Once
in a long-ago moment
I could feel
the sun's warmth every time I heard her voice
it was as if her whispers
carried the day upon her words
taking me to a time where I could dream
the dream anyone in love
wants to dream

I could feel the sun setting
as the stars
eagerly waiting to shine their light upon our entwined souls
rose
one by one until heaven illuminated the dark
you see
with her there was always light

We celebrated
our first anniversary
and then
many more while watching our children grow
then our grandchildren
and through it all
I always felt the sun's warmth

And then suddenly
there was winter's cold
and I was alone, missing her
grieving
asking why
while holding tightly
every memory she gave me
and yet
in my hands was the emptiness of being alone
though every now and then
I can remember
conversations about nothing
that meant everything
and I still wait for each star to rise
hoping that I wish upon the one in which she resides
and wonder
if she can hear me when I say "I love you"

Effortlessly

Her touch
as gentle
and easy
as the autumn leaves falling effortlessly
one moment
after another
slowly and carefree
without knowing when and where they will land
begs me to ask
what,
if there is anything,
that I can do to have this time
for forever
because it's not enough
to have just until now

And as
the elegant warmth of her kiss
flows through my soul
as if time's meaning is the here and now
I close my eyes
and hope
wish
and pray
to remember tomorrow
because it is the lifetime of her love
that I live for

Monday

9:25 am
staring out the window
rain
a down pour of doom and gloom
and the clock refuses to move
it must be Monday

A deep breath
work
continues to pile up
while I'm dreaming
of Friday
but today
is still Monday

I need an escape
a distraction
coffee
conversation by the water cooler
even a smoke break
though I'll never touch a cigarette
but a break is a break
then lunch
a long one
more coffee
more conversation
no more cigarettes though
and it's still Monday

Come on clock
move
show me some mercy
tick tock
FIVE!! Yes!
wait
the commute . . . well might as work late to avoid the traffic
(long sigh and deep breath)
it's still Monday

Death

As the wind
subsides
and the sun begins
its sojourn into the dark sky's abyss
I can feel you leaving me
as the hands of time
slowly pulls you
closer
and closer to heaven

The wait hurts
watching
is as painful
but the hardest part of it all
is the change
the change
from us
to only
memories
tears at my empty soul

Love this one . . . seriously, you're definitely gifted

kind of complicated

Beautiful!!!!!

Closed

I knew
when it became so easy
to close the door
without watching you leave

No heartache.
Or memories.
It is only your absence
that even reminds me
that we shared another empty moment

Such a stark difference between
now
and when your love
would hurt me so much
I love this new-found freedom from us.
As there never really was an us, was it?
Just words. I smile not feeling a need to wonder
why
or what if. There are no more possibilities.
Yes, this time
it was easy
for the curtains to remain closed

Yeah, loved this one

Night to Day

The room was the kind of cool
that when you turn over in bed
you reach for the lover
your soul waited a lifetime for

It was the kind of cool
that once you find their body
you inch closer
and pull them even closer
until your bodies are fused together by an enchanting heat

Now
there's a divine warmth
that seems to erase midnight's air
and replace it with summer's morning kiss

Thank you all for the kind words

People Watching


I tend
to spend
my time
dreaming

Watching
closely
at others
but mostly
wondering

How
strange
different
and or odd
we all are
yet we're
virtually the same
which
is why I
dream
that it gets better