GOOOD MOOORNING PMS, and ssloco13 and iam4U and Michael1313

Rise and Shine. TGIF!!!!

((((hugs)))) XXXkissesXXXX

1. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? Goes-in-tight.

2. What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like? Depends ...

3. What's "68"? You do me and I owe you one.

4. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged!

5. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.

6. Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your
sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

7. How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but
it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

8. What's the definition of a vagina? The box a penis comes in.

9. What two words will clear out a men's restroom? "Nice Dick!"

10. What do you call a truckload of vibrators? Toys for Twats.

11. Why do we have orgasms? How else would we know when to stop?

12. What's the definition of indefinitely? When your balls are slapping
up against her ass, you're in ... definitely!

13. Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

14. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as
a meat substitute.

15. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts.

16. What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Two Mennonite.

17. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught
fire.

18. Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don't need a partner if you've
got a good hand.

19. What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
Gladiator.

20. Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.

21. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.

22. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and
use a lubricant.

Map

I like it!

goose= down featherbed

your ass= mine

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something
nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a
cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its
features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her
new phone.

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said,
"how do you like your new phone?"

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear
as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and
finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one
thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two
male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage
with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and
worship!

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As
he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their
cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and
placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison, "Hi, we're
hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and
exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered."

http://viral.lycos.co.uk/attachments/3939/Orgasmic_Simulator2.htm

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
* I do physical labor.
* I work at great depths.
* I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
* I do not get weekends or holidays off.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
* I work in high temperatures.
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely, The Penis

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
* You do not work eight hours straight.
* You fall asleep after brief work periods.
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
* You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
* You do not take initiative.
* You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
* You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
wearing the correct protective clothing.
* You will retire well before you are 65.
* You are unable to work double shifts.
* You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.

And if that were not enough,
* You are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying
two suspicious looking bags.