Once I know "for real" that the person is real and they are OK with texting/calling outside of this interface. Some are, some aren't.

Peace to both of you, we all know the quoting function here isn't the best.

Anyway...

"As for your argument: the playing field has always been a man's game until women began to take their power and personal rights and freedom back in the 60s. We're still not there.
Funny you only look at the aspect of sex and not see the whole picture.

As for sex, there's thousands of men who only want sex sex sex. Let's say there's 1000 men who want sex only -and often they're involved even!-, then there's only 1 woman wanting the same.
Meaning there's 999 women who want a meaningful connection and while searching the right one to have that with, they take care of their own needs.
So it's not like we have it easy, the cause is that many men are only focused on sex and we are not. That is the only reason it is easier for a woman to find a sexual partner.
If you men would be like us -looking for something meaningful- it'd be different.
Don't blame us for your sexual obsessions."

Warning: Use of women, men, "you", "them", "they", "mankind" below are for speaking in generalities, OK?

Your use of feminist terms like "taking your power back" speaks volumes from the direction of which you come from.

No man "took your power away" to begin with.

Physical attacks aside, gals have always had "the power" to close their thighs.

Women control sex, men control relationships.

Once mankind civilized the world the mating game changed. The mating game playing field has never been level since. A woman is born with the OEM gear that every man wants. She controls sex. And Yes, most any healthy man wants sex.

Men can have and enjoy sex far beyond in years than what a woman can. Men can continue to fertilize and procreate long after a women has, well, let's say "lost interest" for politeness.

See Mick Jagger for instance.
See also why older men chase younger women; Pro Tip: it ain't for the convo...

So while an aging woman is happy with an evening of Matlock, Murder She Wrote, a guy still wants to couch wrassle, by the light of the TV.

But its not just the physical of the ejaculation, the men love to be loved; the cuddling, hugging, kissing, the romance; the mind-meld of two people wrapped up in each other - while Matlock solves a case.
(This is why a man who exchanged hearts with his gal eons ago (back when Matlock and Murder She Wrote were first-run series) can still be mad about her - even at many pounds and wrinkles later - it wasn't ALL about the penetration, it was about their connection...).


There probably isn't a man on this board (or a woman who is honest about human relationships) that doesn't agree that sex in the relationship (however you define the word) is important.

The notion that sex is \Quote more important to men \EndQuote is because men still enjoy and want sex as their age advances moreso than does the woman.

Again; this is why men chase younger women. Older women who decide to go celibate can't complain when their date bounces after a few dates if there is no intimacy in their romance, or worse; no romance at all.

True that!

Howdy Bluegrass!

Not sure why you refuse to believe this. Don't just look at your own situation, but look at the bigger picture of which you are now a part of.

(And note that the below anecdotes are ** in generalities **, and not specific.)

Take any gal with great looks and put her on an OLD site and she is going to get inundated. She doesn't even need a profile, just a good pic. Take her homely sister under the same conditions, not so much love..

Forget OLD for a minute; Rosie O'Donnel and Jen Aniston walk into a bar; who is turning the heads?

The hot one - a man or woman - will ALWAYS have lots of options to pick and choose from. From prom dates in HS to dating and marriage choices.


Women

The hot gal's on easy street until her sexual marketplace value - hotness measure - drops to that of her less attractive counterpart. The old saw: Women age like milk, men age like wine. (No, I didn't make that up; aging hollywood men still get roles, aging hollywood women get walk-ons.)

The gal can stay in the game as she ages by lowering her standards, dating men she normally wouldn't have glanced at otherwise.


Men

Same is true for a hot man; a hot guy doesn't even need a profile (or much of one), just good pics. Happens every minute on every OLD site.

But the hot guy isn't off scott-free in all of this.

As he ages, he still has to work HARD to take care of himself and maintain his SMV among the women he wants.

That said, if he is still hot and in the game, he is not out here dating the 50's plus gals, but rather their daughters.

Very true. I didn't know I had a first name until I got off-duty everyday.

LOL!

Howdy Bluegrass!!

What I meant was simply this:

Men can't get away with putting "Looking for an FWB only at this time" and expect ANY level of success. (Someone step in and prove me wrong, as I'll start using that!)

If a guy puts in his profile "Looking for an FWB only at this time" (and doesn't look like Brad Pitt in profile pics) any/most woman reading the profile will call him a pig.



OTOH - risks of meth-heads responding aside, a gal will get INUNDATED with replies to her profile request for "Looking for an FWB only at this time". Regardless of her profile pics.
She will be seen as a modern, liberated, sex-positive woman who knows what she wants.

It is not a level playing field in OLD between the sexes.

"Am I being unrealistic to think that men will accept a non exclusive relationship?

Sex is possibly the biggest barrier. It would be unsafe and unfair to have more than one sexual relationship at a time. If I set that boundary on one person, that could be a deal breaker and make the whole question moot anyway."


Men will be happy to entertain a non-exclusive relationship, just ** be upfront ** with it so they know that they are just one of several candidates.

All grown adult men should already know that anyway; women operate from a position of abundant men, and so she is automatically expected to have several orbiting her at any given time. (OTOH... if exclusivity enters the discussion, it gets complicated as the selected one expects to be the only one.)

And yes, sex will possibly be the biggest barrier to you maintaining your sanity.

You need to declare to all in your dating circle that there is NO SEX at all as you are seeing others and you are not sure yet who you want to settle down with.

If the grown men know that it is a fair and level playing field, they will be OK. But understand that men and women are jealous creatures; sooner or later one or more of your guys will suspect that "someone" in your circle is "getting it", and they will start leaving the game and look elsewhere.

If you do start to dabble in sex while in your dating circle -- be sure that you demand condoms from all of them as that is the only safe thing to do nowadays.
Men will be fine in an FWB as long as they know they are getting their turn at the ** benefits ** and all are playing by the same rules. That whole level playing field thing again.

As advised, post pics of yourself. Try to have at least one "with a group". You're a guy and women want social guys, so don't look like the Lone Stranger.

Be sure to read the prospects profile (if they created one), and start the convo out by asking them about something you read in it.

Use open-ended questions and not Yes/No to avoid you throwing your back out from having to carry the convo all by yourself.
If all replies (if you get any) are simple, could-care-less single-syllable replies.. well that's on you to really want to carry that weight and waste time continuing.

If they have absolutely nothing in their profile except "I'll tell you later"... again, that's on you to waste your time continuing. But conventional wisdom is that if the prospect can't put 20mins effort into creating an elevator-pitch profile to attract a date - they won't put any effort into a successful dating relationship with you. Move on.

Prada L'Homme Intense Black and Creed Aventus.

They're out here on the Internet, we're out here.

"Our" in-bound Hello messages to you gals often get lost in all the white noise from the knuckleheads pounding you and filling your in-box.
You get tired of reading their "Hello" messages and give up before you ever see "ours" in your in-box.

This is on ALL the OLD sites, ALL of them. Maybe try that OLD site where the gals have to message first, in which you may stand a better chance.

Ahh yes, the boorish, devil-may-care, exciting, never boring Alpha male type that makes all those women wet and tingly.

I know 3 couples that were ultimately married after meeting in online dating (OLD). They are still married today.

I use them as the beacon of hope.

For some of us, finding a circle of similar, possible, and desirable potential mates in real life - IRL - is nearly impossible. OLD is a viable option.

OLD gives the timid the beer muscles to reach out to the opposite sex and start a dialog.

But OLD itself is an effing dumpster fire, reducing us all to disposable people if you are not in that magic 20% of beautiful peeps. Else, we have tall obstacles to get over to succeed.

Nancy - I came from the same circumstances you did.

Metastatic cancer doomed my wife and effed up our marriage for the past 10 years of her debilitation.

To a degree, I feel the same way you do; we missed a lot of living with our beloved spouses over the past decade or so.

We have a lot of catching up to do.

But it's a much uglier dating landscape than it was back when you and I started our married lives.

Today's first date expectations (for either sex) are pretty much what you and I remember our wedding night expectations were back then. And this attitude even extends down to middle schoolers.

It might be saner for you to be up-front and tell your selected entourage that you only want an FWB relationship and that no one plays without protection.

Absolutely enforce that rule! No excuses no matter who the guy is. Today's STDs make the **** in 1969 South Viet Nam look like the sniffles.

That way, all your guys know - from the very definition of FWB - that they get their anonymous at-bat with you. And you can eventually separate the wheat from the chaff.

Consider yourself lucky in that as a woman, you have the easy FWB option.

Us guys can't typically set up such an up-front offer to a string of ladies. You ladies would clamor that men are pigs and that your'e here for serious relationships and children and marriage instead.

The 80/20 rule is applied to the observation of all OLD sites; 80% of the gals want - and now think they are entitled to - the top 20% of men.

This 20% doesn't have to mean economics, more likely the 6'+, 6-pak abs, plus of course the ever-cute incorrigible behavior the guy exhibits - as the gal gets her tingles addressed. No cling, just pump and dump.

Same 80/20 applies to men. Men and women are equally shallow.

The 2 rules to successful OLD for men AND women are simple: 1.) Don't be unattractive. 2.) See Rule 1.

OLD sites are like the Christmas toy catalog for both sexes. Why settle for an adorable gal when I can keep clicking No and Maybe waiting on the super-hot Yes gal to appear in front of me?

Nancy - you and I are probably the exact same age - or at least we are the same generation.

When you and I were young and hot, gals didn't have the pressure of feminism that that told them that it was A-OK to sew their wild oats "because the boys do it".

Those boys raised in a quality 2-parent household were lectured to never mistreat gals a certain way, and to be honorable gentlemen. (Not that they all did, but you understand..)

So yes, you and I missed out on the care-free bed-hopping hook-up culture of today versus back when we started down our paths to marriage.

Ask yourself this honestly; children and grandkids aside; would you now want to relive your life tied to just your late hubby all over again, or, enjoy today's carousel of freedom that young 20-30 something gals enjoy today?

Think of all those years of fun you (and I) missed out on.

Excellent post Kris..

RE:
"But this is a crucial juncture to beware of. Particularly at this stage, this could be a trap for him. She may not realise it and may want to both have her cake and eat it, i.e. she may unconsciously want him as a steady partner but want to sleep with other guys at the same time. To avoid that trap he should first ask her whether she realises that faithfulness must go with the steady relationship. If he does not do this then he is setting himself up for heartbreak when they go steady and yet she sees/sleeps with other guys. If he cannot broach the subject then he is not ready for a steady relationship.

If she wants to go steady with him but recoils at the demand for faithfulness, then she is either immature, not ready or not worth having a steady relationship with. Then sadly, he should walk away until she comes to her senses, which may be never.

And if he has foolishly isolated himself and has seen only her up to that point, then he will not be able to shake off the memory of her as easily. All while if he has kept up other female contacts and other hobbies, he can forget her easily and sail on with his life, instead of becoming a case for the psychiatrist to sigh at his depression and prescribe some stupid drug."

The gal in the other thread that wants to serial date a bunch of guys while only banging one should read this.

As should the lineup of her guys NOT being smashed by her so they are prepared for the end.

As for the original premise of the post; gals love bad boys and the attraction to "projects for redeeming them".

It doesn't work out for either of them, and she is left wondering where all the good men are; ie., those men looking for monogamous romance.

Simple: We are after quality women that aren't gonna jump on the pizza delivery boy if we failed to complement them on the spaghetti she made - 3 months earlier...

Howdy from Imperial! West of Yinsburgh...

Agree that romance without sex is not romantic.

The notion of women bonding first is nonsense; if anything, a modern woman with the history of many, many, many sexual partners is now incapable of forming a lasting pair-bond in monogamy. The so-called "C-Carousel".

Woman bonding first does show up in FwB situations; the friend providing the most "benefit" is going to garner the gal's thoughts the most.
This then screws up the whole FwB as the woman finds herself in love with a partner that was quite happy just being "the friend".

Women by nature's design were not built to be monogamous, that is a societal limit dropped on them.

It's in their base DNA; women HAVE to insure the survival of the species, no matter how many in the tribe she has to mate with to insure she provides strong offspring that have the best chance to survive.
This instinctual behavior can manifest itself in today's civilization, with too many women having the ability to turn love off like a light switch and run to another man regardless of conditions or circumstances.
Women probably don't understand themselves why they cheated on their husband of 40+ years for the pizza delivery boy; it just happened.

The serial dating behaviors discussed here should be applied equally to both genders. And sadly for many of the participants in OLD - this contributes to the need for a fast-pass to the STD labs.