Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation


As Hostage Taker:

1. Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.

2. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.

3. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long.

4. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make your demands.

5. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.

6. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.

7. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.

8. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a rock paper scissors tournament.

9. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie".

10. Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you.

As Negotiator:

1. Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off.

2. When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It's always you you you! What about my needs?!"

3. When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.

4. Show up stoned and don't do anything at all.

5. When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone "La la la la! I can't hear you!"

6. Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.

7. Tell the hostage take that you think Rosanne Barr should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off.

8. Tell the hostage taker you think it would be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.

9. Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to Hindu if he wants you to deal with him.

10. When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wussy attitude like that."

niters pete

the remote control right?

pete we can let rare join in the love to cant we?

hair gnomes

hi ya honeys



shh i was in hiding
the green gnomes were out to get me

he loves me
he really loves me~

how is that going to hold me?
i feel so alone and cold now
YOU LIAR!

BANG
dang it
sorry i missed

sorry to hear that but dont they have pills for that now?

hear the alarm and open my eyes

~watches as the bats fly out of the window

eww
tom cruise

sorry was planning ahead

12

9

my old pair of grey sweaty pants and my dalr ernhart tshirt with holes in it under the arm pits

3

wow youre old

someones alittle late

oh yeah

like where?