Um, excuse me? I have never once been unfaithful in any relationship I have ever had. I also fully believe in the "open and honest" policy, and therefore don't believe in lying. I'm incredibly trustworthy. If you're solely basing your statement on the fact I put my profile back up, even though I don't actively USE it (I have more of a life than having to check it without going crazy, I just found myself bored today at my grandparents and somehow made my way here), than so be it. We're all entitled to our own opinions.

He really is getting out. He, I, and the rest of his family have talked it out. It's under an administrative-separation or medical discharge or something like that. I don't quite understand that process, but I know paperwork was done last week and it's supposed to be finalized 3-6 months from last wednesday.

but ya all that isn't the point.

I guess I need to stop being naive. I really don't think he's cheating on me over there, but what do I know, right? Aside that he has no life over there and is always online or on the phone w/ me. But im sure there is a time he could if he wanted...uhg

he's actually getting out in december...so does that BAH (or w/e) still in effective? I mean besides we weren't "scheduled" to get married til 2010..

I did until he took it out of his, and then I thought I put it back after realizing I was stooping to his level. I dont always examine my page.

I hate playing games. It's not me. But I don't know what to do anymore to get through to him or whatever it is I'm trying to do.

quite frankly I hope he does too.

I know I deserve better, but I'm way too nice and forgiving of a person. I mean, I know his past, I lived with him and his family for a month (i know its not that long but it's enough to see little things here and there in a person). I know he's not an over-all bad guy. He made a mistake.

god what am I doing? I'm making excuses for him. Damnit. I wish it wasn't so hard.

i had my page empty until i saw he started his, and got on it to message his account showing him i found it. and then my friends said if he can get online here to find 'friends' you should too, just to see how he'd react to it. *shrug*

Ever since I confronted him about it, he changed his 'about me' to simply "just looking for friends." and changed the searching for thing to looking for friendship.

I mean I understand him wanting friends, he lives on a base full of a lot of military assholes and is 6000 miles away from home...but he could have gone about it a whole other way and I just.. i dont know.

It shouldn't hurt to love someone

So, back in october/november of last year, I met a guy on here. We exchanged some messages back and forth, and finally he called me randomly then we talked pretty much every day after that until we started going out on Nov. 18th. He's a marine in Japan, but originally lives about an hour from me. He came home for a month of leave in may, and it was amazing. We spent every day together, pretty much not ever leaving each other's side.

He proposed on our 6month anniversary (i said yes).

Everything was going great.

Then.. i found out he cheated on me with his ex-gf 2 days before he went back to Japan (it was the ONE night we werent together all 29 days..)

Somehow, I forgave him (and chewed him out for like 3 days straight, causing him to cry and have a few panic attacks..)
but I made it clear that he lost all my trust and it had to be re-earned. He said he'd be willing to do anything, that he didn't want to lose me and that "i could never know how sorry he was and how much of a monster he felt like he was."

and then last week I was talking to a few friends and they asked me if he still used online dating sites... I told them i didnt think so, but after he betrayed me once and lied a few times, how was I to know? well, we ran a search on here with his "zipcode" of where he lives in japan...and it found a profile that was started like a week prior to our searching for it.

I don't know what to think of it.. it was set to "looking for woman for activity partner"

and in his 'about me' it DID say he was engaged. but that was it. not happily taken, engaged, w/e. just "you might be wondering why an engaged man is on here, but don't dwell on that. I'm just tired of wanting help and never finding any. so if you think we can talk and you can offer a helping hand, message me."

:-/

i confronted him about it, and he openly admitted to having it and didnt think it was a problem. I don't want to be a controlling, b**chy fiancee, but i do see a problem with him wanting to talk to new girls so eagerly... am I wrong? I mean he's shown me i cant trust him right now. Idk.

argh

any advice?

Hell, one of my best friends is gay and he doesn't even do that stuff. He's hygienic but he doesn't color his hair or pluck his eyebrows or anything, haha.

so no it doesn't make you gay lol

To Wonder
By Devon Riggan

To think, a word,
what could it be?
Frustrating
beyond belief

To think, the past,
how could it have been?
Shaped me, yes,
but rules deep within.

To think, love,
is it that amazing?
May it mend my heart,
yet equally drive me crazy

To think, future,
what will come of the unknown?
Happiness, loneliness,
I can't be alone.

To wonder, me,
am I really this way?
I swear I'm not,
just merely afraid
of things turning vain.

Let It Out
By Devon Riggan


Nerves making my skin tingle
But strictly in a boiling fashion
Blood coursing through my veins
What really made this happen?

Shaking, shivering
Body unaware of how to react
Fist and teeth clenched, eyes narrowed
Trying to keep myself intact

If my eyes could turn things to stone,
If my mouth could fuel flames of fire
Then you'd better pray to your God
That you're really not a liar

Lay it all out – come clean now
There's no use in holding it in
Let's finish this, no holds barred,
Unleash everything that's held within

Did you or did you not?
I can hold my own,
Don't worry about sugarcoating it
Unless you want to become unknown

Please let this just be a nightmare
I can't deal with this right now
Body drained, emotion gone
Just... tell me you didn't break your vow

1-3-08 / 3:30am

Your last one is what struck me the most. Love, commitment, faith and respect are what we all need in life. Sadly, lots of us don't have parts or any of those. Very good, deep piece. I love reading poetry, but probably love writing it more. We should exchange some time :)

I really appreciate that, CaRisLOVE. I'm not so much letdown as just sad about the whole thing. He however is enraged. It seriously just needs to blow over. Yes we're young but we're both adults. Grow up, and move on.

K, to update:

His parents are going to try and settle it in a civil manner.. they're refusing to let him boot me out, especially since it's their house and not his. And they understand the matter at hand, realizing i've done nothing to get booted out, and are trying to get him to realize how retarded it is. He just refuses to let it go.

I will end up having to take a taxi to the airport on Friday, however, unless he turns around. Both parents are working when I have to go. That'll cost me about $50, but I don't care.

Thanks for everyone giving me help, I really appreciate and will keep the ideas locked up for future reference, although I can guarantee this won't happen again, whether or not I've known the guy for 2 years.

Anyway, at least there are some civil people in the family, haha.

im trying to leave, ive been on the phone with airline, taxi, and my family.

If you have nothing useful to say besides calling me a maniac, don't talk to me. I have other things to deal with right now.

I know his parents enough.. they are at work right now. They are really sweet, nice people and I really don't think they'd let him do that to me.

I had a brief thought of calling the cops last night but decided against it, hoping a nights sleep would make him different...it didn't, really, but he hasn't been bothering me today except telling me to leave today, earlier.

The airport is a good half hour or so. I contacted a taxi place and it'd be at least $45. Bah. I'm on the phone with my mother right now trying to figure things out.

We've tried. I don't think there is any getting through to him. This happened last night and he tried kicking me out then, but I refused. Then he threatened to hit me, and i've been in here ever since. He came in a couple hours ago and told me to be out of here sometime today.

on hold with the airport, fyi.

if I didn't have so much luggage I would have left by now. But it's too much to be lugging around without knowing what I'm doing or where I'm going.

Also, I've barricaded myself in this room for the most part. I'm afraid to leave it because I don't want to see him right now