A visiting man in the Wild West went into the saloon, ordered a whiskey with a soda, sits drinking. Suddenly he hears on the street screams, shots. He asks the cowboy at a nearby table: "What is it?" "This Elusive Joe is indulging," he says lazily. - And why is it elusive? Gather everything and catch. - But who needs it?

A refined Frenchwoman, 3 months after the wedding, tells her husband - a Texas cowboy: - Sam, when you kiss me and do not take the cud, I tolerate it. When we have sex, and you do not unfasten your Colt, I accepted it. But, please, when we do 69, please take the cigar out of your mouth!

Two cowboys are riding along the prairie ... Suddenly they hear: a woman's voice is calling for help. They drive up, they see a beautiful girl tied to a cactus and says: "Guys, unfasten, huh?" - And what will you pay? "In kind ..." "Jo, do you need a nature?" - Nope. - Well, then we'll go on ... After some time. "Look, Bill, what kind of" nature "is that? - **** knows ... - We will return, we will ask? Some time later. - Listen, girl, but what kind of nature is that? - Well, you unloose me, we go for a cactus. I take off my bra, panties. "Jo, do you need a bra?"

In one Texas town, novosel asks the cowboy: - You have a wonderful climate, and probably everyone has excellent health? - Oh yeah! For example, we recently opened a new cemetery, and we had to shoot several people to fill it ...

After a night of drinking, the cowboy woke up and found in his bed a woman more terrible than he had ever met in his entire life. He looked at her and said: - Who are you, damn you ?! "I do not know who I am right now, but all night long you called me the Yellow Rose of Texas ..."

https://youtu.be/ksdAs4LBRq8

Tell Mr. Trump. What to do when it rains?Mr. Trump. You need to buy a duck farm. Why? The ducks do not sink.

In the cafe get acquainted with a guy with a girl. Guy: - Girl, what are you doing tonight? Girl: - Yes, I do nothing during the day ...

Long time to be silent at me it turns out badly. Even with a closed mouth I start to make some gurgling sounds.

A man calls his son and says:
- Listen to the son, I'll tell you what kind of **** are in women: first they are like apples. Hard elastic. Then as pears. And then like an onion.
The son asks:
"Why like an onion?"
- Because you look and you want to cry.
Wife heard - calls his daughter and says:
- SchA I'll tell you what a member of a peasant is. First it's like an oak tree. Hard not bend. Then like a birch tree. It seems worth it but bends .... And then as a Christmas tree.
The daughter asks:
- Why a Christmas tree?
"Because the tree died long ago." And balls for decoration hang.

When there is nothing left to do during the New Year's weekend:
1. Take the water gun.
2. Pour the whiskey into it.
3. Shoot yourself in the mouth.

The guy and the girl are kissing on the couch.
She is:
- Do you want me to include music for sex?
- Come on!
Rises and includes the march of Mendelssohn